Out on the Wiley Windy Moors...

... there stand two dry stone walls, facing each other, eighty yards apart. Between them is not heath, but finely cut green grass. For most of their length, the walls are natural stone. Only the central section of each wall is whitewashed.

Haworth West End cricket club possess the highest cricket ground in Yorkshire, and perhaps the most wind-swept cricket ground in the world. Cricket grounds need a sightscreen behind the bowler's arm, so that the red ball is clearly visible to the batsman. On Haworth moor, the white walls serve as a wind-resistant sightscreen. Of course the walls are only about five foot tall, so the sightscreen only really works for very small bowlers.

The pavilion of this cricket ground was the starting point of a fell race yesterday. 279 people lined up to run across Haworth moor and back again, including me and my dad. Running across a moor is similar to running anywhere else. Except every now and again the ground suddenly gives way, and you find yourself with one leg on solid ground, and the other leg knee deep in a mini peat bog. If this happens while tramping uphill or against the wind, you pull your foot out and continue. If this happens going downhill wind-assisted, you either trip and tumble, or come to an emergency stop. I did both a couple of times, and was happy to return to the cricket pavilion with both ankles intact.


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Ultras Bochum 3 - Torpedo Entenhausen 4

This game was postponed due to snow. I therefore dedicate the win to former Blackpool goalkeeper Harry Sharrat, who was booked for making a snowman on his goalline.

Winter has arrived in Bochum, and although there was no snow one week later, the pitch was frozen in one corner. I found this out while trying to turn quickly past a defender. The resulting slip was almost convincing enough to get a penalty. Fortunately I fell on my left knee, which is in much better shape than the right one. And because I fell on ice, the cut wasn't filled with the usual sand and gravel.

This match brought Torpedo Entenhausen an unprecedented (at least in my time) five wins in a row. We thus moved into an unprecedented (at least in my time) fourth place, just in time for the end of the season. The official policy of the team is to play so badly in the first 6 games that we can't get promoted. After that, we are free to win some games. The successful end to the season even brought a goal difference of 0.

Torpedo Entenhausen 8 - Porno Villa 0

I just reread the last entry against SG Sundern, where I wrote

today I managed to land on exactly the same spot just below the knee and reopen the wound.

What I didn't mention is how this happened. There was a goalmouth scramble as the keeper could only block a shot. I pushed past a defender and lunged at the ball. With an injured knee. On a cinder pitch. The resulting wound was quite deep, and had me limping for a good few days. Cycling was also painful, so I sat at home a lot and was bored.

This is part of my problem. I am bored, then start doing something, get completely hooked, start diving around and injuring myself, and am then ill/injured. I then become bored, start doing something...

By this match, which was two weeks ago, I had recovered enough to play against my good friends of Porno Villa. They have made many friends in their first season because of their fair play and occasionally open defense. If there is such a thing as a lucky 8-0 win, this was it. Torpedo took almost all their chances to move to -1 goal difference. I spent the whole of the first half in the submerged half of the pitch, and conceded lots of throw-ins.

Fat Finger Job Application

I've been putting this off, and got depressed today. I went to the Job Centre on Thursday, and was given four jobs to apply for. I managed to write a job application on Friday, and got it corrected by Sunday. I spent the last two days trying to muster up courage to send it off. I kept putting it off, surfing the internet, walking around randomly, standing on stairs, drinking coffee and juggling. I tried to learn lots of juggling tricks with the left hand on the right and the right hand on the left.

By this morning I was depressed and confused. Everyone I met today commented how awful I look. I slept 9 hours, but was worried the whole time and woke up tired. My coordination is bad today, and in the cafe they laughed at my attempts to fill a cup with coffee from a thermos flask, with the saucer getting in the way.

I decided to break out of this depression by doing stuff. I ate lunch, drank a coffee and set about sending off the application. I checked the last job application that I'd sent off, and saw that I'd included my PhD certificate twice. I renamed the file from MCT0025x00001.pdf to something more sensible. All the time I'm fighting with the thoughts "you can't do this job", "your application is useless", "your letter is cringeworthy". I joined the files together, found a plausible email address, wrote a subject, then my finger slipped. Somehow I found the keyboard shortcut for "send", and sent off an email without any body or attachment.

I then sent the real one, and hope that they take pity on me.