A new job

I managed to do it. In the past 12 months I sent out 6 job applications. I kept trying to up the rate to at least once a week, but never managed it. I got invited to two interviews, so I'm rather surprised that I found a job. I've decided to keep the details of the job out of this blog in order to give it a decent chance of working.

The job doesn't require any knowledge of physics, which made applying for it a lot easier. I never got to the point of coming to terms with the depressed endings of the past two jobs well enough that I could talk about them with a bunch of strangers. It was a relief to not have to discuss the contents of my PhD at all. When applying for this job I was relieved not to have to explain why I'm an expert with glass tubes and ultrasound devices, while feeling my stomach turn with the weight of perceived failure.

So I've started something completely different. It should pay well enough for me to live comfortably, and hopefully won't interfere with my evenings and weekends too much. With a bit of luck I'll have some nice little projects to work on. At the moment that's all I want in life. My projects won't make me rich and famous and won't change the world, but I'm happy to leave that sort of stuff to others.

Fat Finger Job Application

I've been putting this off, and got depressed today. I went to the Job Centre on Thursday, and was given four jobs to apply for. I managed to write a job application on Friday, and got it corrected by Sunday. I spent the last two days trying to muster up courage to send it off. I kept putting it off, surfing the internet, walking around randomly, standing on stairs, drinking coffee and juggling. I tried to learn lots of juggling tricks with the left hand on the right and the right hand on the left.

By this morning I was depressed and confused. Everyone I met today commented how awful I look. I slept 9 hours, but was worried the whole time and woke up tired. My coordination is bad today, and in the cafe they laughed at my attempts to fill a cup with coffee from a thermos flask, with the saucer getting in the way.

I decided to break out of this depression by doing stuff. I ate lunch, drank a coffee and set about sending off the application. I checked the last job application that I'd sent off, and saw that I'd included my PhD certificate twice. I renamed the file from MCT0025x00001.pdf to something more sensible. All the time I'm fighting with the thoughts "you can't do this job", "your application is useless", "your letter is cringeworthy". I joined the files together, found a plausible email address, wrote a subject, then my finger slipped. Somehow I found the keyboard shortcut for "send", and sent off an email without any body or attachment.

I then sent the real one, and hope that they take pity on me.

Bewerbungsmappe

This is the German word for a folder containing documents for a job application. Apparently there is no equivalent in English, as

In the US, when you apply for a job, you send a one or two-page resume and a letter. You don't send all the other crap unless they ask for it.

I have found all my old 'A' level certificates, and am off to a copy shop to get copies for my Bewerbungsmappe. I'm finding all of this rather tricky. My psychologist reminds me that every new thing will be difficult. Every step towards getting a job is hard, and I find myself blocking myself.

The process of buying a Bewerbungsmappe took about an hour. It started with me writing down what I was going to buy, where I was going to buy it, and when. I planned a cup of coffee and a sticky raisin bun as a reward for a successful purchase. Everything about this mission was carefully planned.

I then walked into the stationary shop, found the shelf with Bewerbungsmappen, and bought three. It took less than a minute. If I had to do it again it would be very easy. A Bewerbungsmappe is just a piece of folded cardboard with a clip inside and "B E W E R B U N G" on the front. Buying one is no more difficult than buying a ring-binder, or a hole puncher.

Sell yourself

Self-Marketing is the key. Be pro-active. Take the initiative. I'm trying to look for a job and am finding it scary. I'm feeling depressed and about to cry.

I read a book about references today and it got me thinking too much about my last job. I've been better since I left and I've not thought about it at all. The book said I should fight for my right for a good reference, but I don't want to. I want a reference that says "Mr. endofphil came unprepared into the job, was unable to master life's basics such as eating and sleeping, showed a complete lack of interest for anything whatsoever and subsequently spent 6 months staring into space. His only lasting impression was drunkenly juggling lots of mandarines at the christmas party."

I need a job to recover my self esteem, but it's hard to get one when you don't think you can do anything. I will go and see the employment agency tomorrow, explain this, and ask for help.

Fired?

Clear your desk by the end of January

I'd given up on my job a few weeks ago, but now it is official. Of course officially I've not been fired. Officially, I spent a year as a post-doctoral researcher, but couldn't see any future at the university. Inofficially the faculty will be glad to see the back of me, and I'll be glad to be gone. I suppose you can say "by mutual agreement".

Oh Mr Darcy, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.

This blog has gone downhill badly recently, as I've been sat on my arse a lot, have filled in a job application for Siemens and have been down with a bad cold.

I'm looking for further job options, and was struck by this ad. I don't know what the greatest thing about this ad is: the literary title, the AWE acronym, or the appeal "ask yourself whether your making a difference, and whether you'd like to make a bigger one". Yeah, I'd like to nuke Paris. You can't make much of a bigger fucking difference than that!

I figure that the ad won't stay forever, so I'll put it here too.



Pride. Without Prejudice.
AWE
Berkshire
United Kingdom

Closing date: not specified
Job reference code: N/A
Salary: not specified

Qualification: Not specified

Atomic Weapons Establishment

Near Reading, Berkshire

Regardless of their role, everyone who works with us here at the Atomic Weapons Establishment shares the same sense of self-worth. A sense that everything they do is ultimately focused on maintaining the UK’s nuclear deterrent, on protecting the nation and ensuring that protection continues.

If you’re a Scientist, Engineer or Business professional, it’s time to ask yourself if you’re making a difference where you are. And whether you’d like to make a
bigger one. Find out more and apply at www.awe.co.uk or call 0118 982 9009.

AWE welcomes applications from women and men, regardless of disability, sexuality, racial or ethnic origin, age or responsibility for dependants. The normal contractual retirement age at AWE is 65. Successful candidates will be selected solely on their ability to carry out the duties of the post. Because of the nature of
the work associated with these posts, they are required to meet special nationality rules and are open only to British Citizens. All selected candidates will be required to undergo security clearance.
Contact

Human Resources Dept, AWE, Aldermaston, Berkshire, , United Kingdom
Web: http://www.awe.co.uk

Cycling not very far.

Looking back at the summer, I peaked too early with my cycling efforts. This blog suggests that I reached an optimal performace on the 6th June, and have been slowing down ever since. July was too hot, August was too cold, and I was in Hamburg and England anyway. Right now I am distinctly off the pace, and I could swear that the muscle on my left calf is distinctly wimpier than my right calf. It feels that way to touch (I'm not really the kind of guy who goes around feeling his muscles, I was just checking for signs of tension, honestly), and the left leg is the first to complain whilst going uphill. Why is this? Presumably I've managed to keep one leg in training over the past month. Have I been kicking things that much, or hopping on one leg, or always jumping from the right leg? If so, why have I been jumping so much at all?

Plan for tomorrow: hop on left leg, and find a job.

Beaurocracy.

I am still not officially unemployed. For this to happen, a certain form must be filled out, certifying that I had a job. This form was posted by the Federal Agency of Work to me. I took it to my workplace, and got a secretary to post it to the central university administration. They sent it to the central administration of government employees in Ansbach, who will hopefully stamp the form and post it back to me, so that I can take it to the Federal Agency of Work.

As an exercise in pointlessness this doesn't beat the invitation I received for my degree ceremony. The letter was written and sent by our group secretary to the exams office, who posted it to my office address. Of course all items for our group members go into the pigeon hole thingy, which is directly next to the secretaries office. After a couple of days and a 5km round trip the letter ended within 2 metres of where it was written.

Pope Benedict XVI

The pope (or should that be Jessyl, the Trifelge Putinard?) is in Bayern, which is a good excuse for a link to this video.

On the job front, I am still trying fill out the forms to officially become unemployed. Once I achieve this, I will be earning more than twice as much as my flatmate, Slawek, who went to work at 7am this morning.

Job of the day: Armour Researcher
. Advantages: Get to shoot stuff at other stuff, become civil servant, get to pretend to be "Q". Disadvantages: Not sure I want to live in Salisbury, trying to avoid military work, might not get security clearance due to german accent.

Is it worth the aggravation?

Yesterday I went for a round-table discussion with a leading consulting firm. I swear that I didn't just lift the following exchange from a Dilbert cartoon.

Boss: The job's not easy, and has long hours. For the first two years, you don't see much of your friends or family, which can be painful.

Potential Applicant: And after two years it gets better?

Boss: Oh yes. You still work the same hours, but you've forgotten what your friends and family looked like.

Shortly (well about an hour) after this I walked out, explaining that I had an urgent appointment in a beer garden.