+ Danes in skull desecration shock! +

ENDOFPHIL exclusive!!! Scandal rocks Danish royals



First the Mohammad cartoons, now photos show highly ranked Danish officers in shocking scenes of depravity! Have they no respect for the dead?

MUSLIMS OUTRAGED!

This shows how little respect the Danes have for our culture, said one islamic source, who didn't wish to be named for fear of his family being dug up and used as stage props.

BACKLASH!

Senior arabic figures called for a ban on imports of danish beer and bacon. ENDOFPHIL contacted Elsinore to demand an explanation.

King Claudius blamed the "unfortunate skull incident" on a "young officer going through some existential problems", and promised that the entire royal family would kill themselves/each other forthwith.

THIS IS NOT ENOUGH, WE DEMAND MORE!

A Pampered Rock Star.

I'm taking a break from the usual scheme of things to plug Jarvis Cocker's latest song. I wouldn't normally do this, but Jarvis comes from Sheffield and used to be in a band which I liked, called Pulp. It's also a rather catchy song with subversive lyrics.

Please take time to watch his video, and/or have a look at his myspace space.

Following on from Jarvis' suggestion, I also challenge all-comers to a Conker duel. This is what kids used to do for entertainment before they had computers and stuff. It led to a strange sort of appreciation for nature. I am always surprised to see dozens of battle-ready conkers lying around unused and unwanted.

Depression.

I suppose it's my own fault, but then I would say that. I had a great weekend: I got drunk, stayed up too late, made some new friends, learned what "Agrartanzen" is [1], went for a lovely bicycle ride through the autumn colours of the "Franconian Switzerland" and made a Lancashire Hotpot for tea.

This all seems like months ago, although the rest of the hot pot is lying cold in the oven. Today I am thoroughly downhearted. My eyes refused to properly open and my cheeks feel as though they have small weights on them pulling my face into a tired and bored glaze.

I tried looking for a job this morning, but failed completely. Any job which I am halfway qualified for seemed to be impossible for me to ever do. The prospect of moving to another town, or starting something new and exciting scared me, so I slouched home to go back to bed for the afternoon. I nearly didn't make it, the weight of my coat seemed to stop me from moving, and I spent five minutes on a park bench trying to summon up the energy to walk the last 500m.

It's not the first time, and I know what to do now: Sleep, eat, sleep, eat and wait until I can face the world again.

[1] Agrartanzen, literally "Agricultural dancing" is a fusion of disco moves and farmyard labour. Apparently popular in the "Bavarian forest" region, typical moves include mowing a wheatfield, driving a tractor and strangling chickens. The lack of any google hits for this phenomena is probably not a surprise: people who pretend to drive tractors in the disco don't usually have an internet connection (or an indoor toilet).

ps. writing that footnote brought the first smile to my face today :-)

King Franz I

One of the nice corners of Erlangen is the english section of the municipal library, which has most of the "what, you've never read ...." books on four shelves of classic literature, which I'm slowly working through. This week I read "Kidnapped" by Robert Louis Stevenson.

I had actually read this book when I was little, but I didn't really understand it at the time. I never quite worked out what a "Whig" was, and got a bit confused by the bits of dialogue in scots, and the scottish geography, with it's numerous lochs and glens.

Now, together with google maps, wikipedia, and a scots-english dictionary, I finally got this book.

The starting point of this book (and many british problems, including the troubles in Northern Ireland), is the so-called Glorious Revolution of 1688. Here King James II of England was thrown out by his protestant daughter, Mary, and the dutch prince William of Orange. The scots didn't like this, and many stayed true to James, and his descendants. "Kidnapped" is set a good 60 years after the revolution, and six years after the rising of James' grandson, Bonnie Prince Charlie, in 1745. At that time, many highland scots still supported the claim of the descendents of James II for the throne, and in fact some still do. And to be honest, they've got a point. The revolution of 1688 was a protestant joke: inviting some first-cousin-marrying Dutch caravanner to illegally take the British throne. All the attempted jacobite risings failed, though, and the heirs to James II and Bonnie Prince Charlie are now living in Bavaria. If Franz, Duke of Bavaria fancies claiming the British crown upon the death of the Queen, he has my wholehearted support.

Oh Mr Darcy, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.

This blog has gone downhill badly recently, as I've been sat on my arse a lot, have filled in a job application for Siemens and have been down with a bad cold.

I'm looking for further job options, and was struck by this ad. I don't know what the greatest thing about this ad is: the literary title, the AWE acronym, or the appeal "ask yourself whether your making a difference, and whether you'd like to make a bigger one". Yeah, I'd like to nuke Paris. You can't make much of a bigger fucking difference than that!

I figure that the ad won't stay forever, so I'll put it here too.



Pride. Without Prejudice.
AWE
Berkshire
United Kingdom

Closing date: not specified
Job reference code: N/A
Salary: not specified

Qualification: Not specified

Atomic Weapons Establishment

Near Reading, Berkshire

Regardless of their role, everyone who works with us here at the Atomic Weapons Establishment shares the same sense of self-worth. A sense that everything they do is ultimately focused on maintaining the UK’s nuclear deterrent, on protecting the nation and ensuring that protection continues.

If you’re a Scientist, Engineer or Business professional, it’s time to ask yourself if you’re making a difference where you are. And whether you’d like to make a
bigger one. Find out more and apply at www.awe.co.uk or call 0118 982 9009.

AWE welcomes applications from women and men, regardless of disability, sexuality, racial or ethnic origin, age or responsibility for dependants. The normal contractual retirement age at AWE is 65. Successful candidates will be selected solely on their ability to carry out the duties of the post. Because of the nature of
the work associated with these posts, they are required to meet special nationality rules and are open only to British Citizens. All selected candidates will be required to undergo security clearance.
Contact

Human Resources Dept, AWE, Aldermaston, Berkshire, , United Kingdom
Web: http://www.awe.co.uk

Squared paper

I have been reading Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury in the last couple of days. The introductory quote is from the spanish poet Juan Ramón Jiménez:

If they give you ruled paper, write the other way

Oddly enough, in Germany schoolchildren are given squared paper to write on.