Hello world.

I'm really drunk (Burp!). Wahey!. Germany 0 Italy 2. I did my best supporting Germany, but they lost, and I don't know if I mentioned that I'm very drunk.

Yours, drunkenly, Phil.

Well played, and good luck to Portugal

Oh dear, England lost a football match. Maybe Rooney was a bit unlucky to be sent off, but we didn't look like scoring in the 60 minutes when we had 11 players, and the team gave a good "backs to the wall" display with 10 men. Over 120 minutes a draw was probably fair enough, as Portugal passed well and had a few chances to win the game too.

You've got to give credit to Ricardo, the goalkeeper of Portugal. He guessed right on all four occasions in the penalty shootout, and made three good saves.

We have to look on the bright side of this defeat:

1/ We actually won games against Paraguay, Ecuador and Trinidad and Tobago.
2/ We got further than Spain and Holland.
3/ We got just as far as Brazil and Argentina.
4/ We are better at taking penalties than Switzerland!
5/ We're going to win the tennis. Come on Andy!

We wuz robbed!

Bleeding diving Portuguese! Stay on your feet for 10 seconds, you feckin' Alice-banded nancy boy. Stood on your bollocks, you say! When I was young we got kicked in the balls at least twice per match and nobody ever complained. Anyway what the feck were your bollocks doing on the pitch to be stood on in the first place:

La da da, I'm Portuguese and need to fall over. Oh no, I fell down in the middle of a FOOTBALL PITCH and there are people running around still. And one of them stood on my knackers!

And as for the ref, what can you expect from an bloody Argy! Carragher taking a Penalty too quickly? What the blazes is he there for? He walks from the half-way line, takes the ball, puts it on the spot, and then surprises the ref by taking a penalty. What did he expect him to do, sit down and have afternoon tea with the goalkeeper? Go on ref, take the Malvinas and stick them where the sun don't shine!

Anyway who gives a damn, we're going to win the Tennis.

Wise words

I didn't mean for this to turn into a two-days-late world-cup blog, but I must quote from my good self, one post down:

It seems that they [England] have finally got the hang of nutritional advice

England 2 - Trinidad and Tobago 0

I'm a bit late on this one, but what the heck. I had a ticket (thanks Fabian again) for England against the "Soca Warriers" from Trinidad and Tobago. I could give you a match report, but there is no way that it would be as good as this one.

I can confirm that whilst some of the english fans were recounting the events of the second world war, and discussing the politics of Northern Ireland, the fans from the Caribbean really were singing

London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London bridge is falling down. BREK it down! BREK it - down!

So England progress without playing particularly well, and the brave soca warriers from little old Trini... [NOTE FROM EDITOR: Rest of post removed for being too damned patronising. The days of your British Empire are over Mr. Endofphil]

WM

You may well have noticed that a certain football tournament is underway. Due to a combination of this and the erlangen beer festival I have been rather slow in updating this blog. Since the last update I went for a bicycle ride, drank lots of beer and watched lots of football, so everything is alright.

Even the usually xenophobic drunken English fans have turned into weltbuergerlicher drunken English fans. I quote from that bastion of reasonable thought and openness, the british tabloid: "The Sun".

Basking — like England — in the middle of a heatwave, Germany is heaven for footie followers now.

Huddersfield fan Paul Braithwaite, 39, who is sharing a VW camper van with two mates, said: “Everyone is drinking loads but behaving. The Germans have been laid back and the policing is low-profile. Right now, there is no better place on Earth.”