Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head, found my way downstairs, filled the kettle, switched it on, found a cup, removed the mould from the cup, located a teabag and the milk which hadn't gone off, drank a cup...
Six months ago it was too complicated for me. I ate in cantines and pizzerias (saves shopping, cooking, and washing up), wore the same clothes for ages or bought new ones (saves washing, drying and putting away). It was easy to describe my day: I slept, sat around for hours on end, and swallowed three meals a day in various cafeterias.
After weeks of psychotherapy, I tried to do more. I wrote down a list of what I wanted to do, and when I wanted to do it. I can now look back at what I did. On the 26th January, for instance, I ate breakfast at home, got money from the ATM, bought food, drank a coffee, read the paper, tidied my room, jogged, showered and shaved. This was a lot for me to do in one day, and a really big improvement. After I'd done something on the list, I had to push myself to do the next thing. Part of me wanted to go give up and go back to bed, but I managed to do everything.
Now I can do these things more easily, because I've been doing them regularly. I eat porridge for breakfast at home every morning, and it's now easy to make. A cup of tea is a welcome break, not a challenge. Washing clothes is tricky, but possible. I still mentally break it down into the steps of starting the machine, waiting 1h, putting the clothes on the dryer, waiting 24h, and putting them away. The hard bit is finding the motivation to continue after each step.
I have got my life in enough order to start a training program in IT systems. I can spend seven hours at the institute and still manage to do the other things. I celebrated yesterday by drinking vodka and trying to catch the hot end of a burning torch with my throat.
p.s I wrote this a couple of weeks ago offline
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