Dead Man 'Cremated'

No, no, no, that's no good at all. Nobody will read that story. Lots of dead men get cremated. Could you have another go at the translation? Run it through Babelfish, maybe? Yes, that's more like at.

TWO undertakers put a rival in a coffin and burned him alive after a business deal went wrong. Erich Winkler, 43, was knocked unconscious then cremated under a false name before his killers scattered his ashes. Michael Schmidt, 52, had argued with Mr Winkler after agreeing to buy his firm but failing to pay. He and partner Friedrich Peters, 53, face trial in Erlangen, Germany.

So say the Sun, admittedly not the most reliable of British newspapers. The Scotsman also reported the same story.

Undertaker 'burnt alive in a coffin'

I'll admit it makes a good tale, and I always like to think that if I was to commit murder I would go for this approach. I'd like to give my victim a sporting chance to wake up, find the saw he keeps hidden in his shoes, cut a hole in the reverse side of the box as it slips into the inferno, and roll away to wreak terrible revenge on my business empire, sleep with my mistresses and kill me.



Sadly the suspect has only been accused of a rather normal murder. According to the Nürnberger Nachrichten, the case presented by the justice authorities is that the victim was killed in the meeting room of the undertakers.

Bei einem Gespräch im April 2007 in Erlangen... soll der Geschäftsmann zusammen mit dem anwesenden Bestatter aus Geiselwind den 43-Jährigen dann noch im Besprechungsraum getötet haben.

(My bold). The case continues, innocent until proven guilty, and all that.