Mr. endofphil came unprepared into the job, was unable to master life's basics such as eating and sleeping, showed a complete lack of interest for anything whatsoever and subsequently spent 6 months staring into space. His only lasting impression was drunkenly juggling lots of mandarines at the christmas party.
Of course my reference couldn't say this, as it is a product of depression and self-loathing. I'm probably the only person who could write this about myself, and can be sure that anyone else in the world will find a couple of nice things to say about me.
I opened the letter with a feeling of dread and sadness. It was an intrusion from very unhappy times into my present life. It was a reminder of things I've been trying to forget about. But it says some nice things about me. It lists the things I did in the job when I wasn't depressed. This confuses me.
In order to get a job as a physicist, I have to be able to defend my work in previous jobs. I have to be able to live with the mistakes and successes of previous years, and explain how these experiences will be useful for the future. I have to be able to do this without shaking or crying. I can't just pretend that I fell to earth knowing lots of stuff.
Or I could give in to my natural instinct, and say that I failed at being a physicist. I could then do something completely different without worrying about the past. Until it goes wrong again.
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