Torpedo Entenhausen 2 - VfL Linden 0

I have transferred my football writing to the official forum of the spare-time league in Bochum. Most match reports follow the standard procedure of discussing goals, fouls, offside decisions, the score and whether a team deserved to win. The official description of the first half of Torpedo Entenhausen's match this week is:

In the middle of the first half, our defensive midfielder perfectly wellied the ball into the top branch of a tree. The zenith of the ball's parabola matched the height of the tree exactly, and the twigs held the ball in the position where other stadiums have their corporate boxes. The ball was able to watch the match from this position until I knocked it down with a perfectly thrown plank. Because of this, the goalless first half sort of passed me by.