A Time-honoured Tradition

Today, children, we will learn about nutrition. Now we all know that a healthy diet is important, and that drinking too much and eating fast food is bad for you, but sometimes the consequences are not immediately clear. Say, for example that you drink beer all afternoon, and fill up on a Kebab and chips. The chances are that you will survive this piece of foolishness, your liver will sort out the booze and you'll burn off the fat soon enough, and continue your life apparently none-the-worse.

Of course after a while you might lose the odd organ (I am missing the gall-bladder), but then it is hard to know exactly what caused this. Was it the wine and beer, or the fish and chips, or the turkey twizzlers, or too many hamburgers? Maybe something worse would have happened if you'd been eating salad the whole time.

Well this weekend I did some experiments on nutrition and sport. On Friday I went cycling with beer and kebab and chips lingering in my stomach from the night before. Until 20 miles I was feeling fine. I then got a cramp in one leg. After 30 miles I ate a salad (things were that bad!). After 40 miles I was suffering badly from the heat, and couldn't think quite straight. After 50 miles I was home and kaputt. Some guiding voice inside my head told me to eat lots of Spaghetti Bolognese, after which I fell asleep.

The next day I cycled 80 miles, despite the legs being a bit tired from the day before, and I felt a damn sight better. I then ate more Spagetti Bolognese, and cycled another 50-odd miles on Sunday.

So right now I have a new-found respect for my digestive system. It's quite amazing to think that a plate of Spaghetti Bolognese can propel you to the top of a big hill. It looks so static and splodgy (well mine did), and I can't imagine how anyone would ever think of getting huge amounts of energy out of it. It's an impressive feat, and I should imagine that the amazement is even greater on the side of the plate of Spaghetti Bolognese. One minute it's sitting there minding it's own business, the next it's being used as fuel by some idiot with a bicycle.

And before I forget, greetings to the two idiots with bicycles from Berlin who put me up to these trips. And thanks to "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" for the picture.