Video Analysis

Monday's match of Torpedo Entenhausen has been recorded for posterity.

Watch the highlights by clicking here.

Torpedo Entenhausen are in the orange shirts, FC Porno Villa in black. It wasn't a great match, but you can see my Carlton Palmer style trapping of the ball (0:43), a header so bad that all my teammates and one of the opposition throw their heads into their hands in disbelief (5:50), and my point-blank range goal including a "running into the goalpost" celebration (6:00). I think the ball was already over the line from the original shot, and Amin had aleady run off to celebrate, but the whistle hadn't been blown so I'm claiming the goal.

The best bits don't involve me at all, though. At 4:30 the guy filming suggests that the Porno Villa midfield "retreat somewhat so that the goal kick doesn't go over them all". Of course, by the time he's said this it's too late. Next time a less intellectual "GET BACK!!!" might be more effective.

The top scene is right at the start of the video, as our striker, Mario, decides to give the ball to the opposition as a sign of friendship. Check out the double take from Andy, who was expecting the ball and stays rooted to the centre circle, before beginning to philosophise.